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Here Are Some Questions to Ask Yourself Before Getting Married

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Marriage is fun!

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Every woman’s dream has been to wear a lovely white gown and wear a gleaming diamond ring since after being exposed to the concept of marriage. Marriage, in my opinion, can be a wonderful thing. It’s fun and exciting, and having a document binding you to another person may be useful in life-altering, financial, legal, and medical situations because of the way our society is set up.

Most relationships reach a point where the “next steps” must be addressed. As time passes and two people become closer, it’s natural that some consideration will be given to major milestones such as moving in together, having children, and, while less usual these days, getting married.

The focus of this article is on the marriage milestone. Such a commitment may be a beautiful thing, a means to express commitment to growing together and conquering hurdles while also celebrating mutual love.

It is, however, a major decision, and there is no escaping the reality that over half of all marriages in the world end in separation, annulment, divorce, etc that cause a lot of pain to most men and women. 

Here are the 5 questions to help you with your reflection process:

1. Does marriage a requirement?

Marriage might become a possibility because it feels like the logical next step in a relationship, as previously said. That isn’t to say it’s required or even useful. It’s time to examine some of your ideas in order to discover the “whys” for marriages are important. Do you believe the relationship has intrinsic “worth” or only after you’ve gone down the aisle? Is there any peer or family pressure?

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The goal is to get to the bottom of your own feelings and views, free of expectations and cultural views. Marriage is unlikely to be a requirement in modern times unless there are compelling legal reasons; you may enjoy a long, fulfilling relationship without tying the wedding. However, the heart desires what the heart desires, and it may just feel important for personal reasons.

2. Do you and your partner place equal significance on marriage?

This brings us to the second and most significant point. After you’ve considered your true feelings and sense of urgency, the next step is to figure out where your spouse stands. Instead of making assumptions, ask explicitly. Are you and your spouse on the same page when it comes to your goals?

Granted, these are challenging discussions to have, but if you’re thinking about making a lifetime commitment, it’s best to have them with someone you can talk to about it.

In an ideal environment, the choice would be shared 50/50 between the two parties. It’s unlikely to be on an equal footing. You do, however, want the choices to be as similar as feasible. If one of you is skeptical of the concept and the other feels the fate of the relationship relies on wedlock, this could be a huge point of tension and the other feels the fate of the relationship relies on wedlock, this could be a huge point of tension.

Image taken from google/Healthline

Do you have a better memory than your partner? Is your partner, on the other hand, more alert than you? If that’s the case, avoid making compromises. Compromise is beneficial in a relationship since it allows you to harmonize with someone else’s goals and demands. However, do not compromise when making a major life decision like marriage.

3. Is marriage an “I’ll be happy when…” situation?

Setting a future point as the objective of fulfillment and pleasure is a classic ego trap. Rather than establishing contentment in the present moment, the ego looks beyond. This is what I refer to as the “I’ll be happy when” trap, in which we put off happiness until we have more money, more free time, a nicer apartment, nicer clothes, etc.

Like a never-ending hamster wheel of dissatisfaction, this trap makes its way into every aspect of life. Many of us, including myself, resort to romance to satisfy this desire. Popular thinking is, “I’ll be happy when I meet the one.” This is a trap that can sometimes befall a marriage. Has the concept of marriage become a mental checklist for a day when you’ll be content? Are you seeking a partner to help you achieve your goals?

This type of thinking might lead to romanticizing marriage and perceiving it as an answer. Marriage isn’t a cure for every problem. It doesn’t affect the nature of the partnership, the desire to speak frankly, create loving intimacy, weather storms when they arise and love unconditionally. It also won’t provide happiness or solve any troubles that may have existed beforehand.

Image taken from google/The Conversation

Use this to delve deeper if you find a part of you that believes marriage is the key to happiness. What is the reason behind this? What will be changed in your day-to-day life? Instead of seeking happiness outside of marriage, how could you discover it within yourself?

4. Do you have faith in your partner?

When most of us think of trust in the context of romance, we automatically think of sexual exclusivity. Of course, if you’ve decided on a monogamous relationship, you’ll want to feel confident in that decision. But there’s a lot more to trust than meets the eye, and it manifests itself in a variety of ways. Trust isn’t a one-size-fits-all proposition; you may trust your spouse in certain areas while distrusting them in others.

The foundation of almost all long-term relationships are trust. Examine your levels of trust across the board while considering marriage. Do you have faith in your partner’s capacity to speak openly and honestly? Do you have trust in your partner to be there for you when you need them? Do you believe even in your partner’s ability to foster a sense of togetherness in your relationship?

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Before it comes to marriage, there are other factors to consider, such as whether you trust your partner’s financial strategy or commitment to working through challenges when the times get tough. This reflection is not intended to score points, but rather to highlight any concerns that need to be addressed. Is this lack of confidence a deal-breaker? Or is it something you and your spouse can work on together?

5. What are your expectations?

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Finally, it’s a good idea to examine all of your preconceived notions about marriage. I’ve mentioned a few, such as the belief that marriage is the key to happiness. Keep an eye out for assumptions that marriage will transform the way you feel. This is a method of transferring responsibility for your pleasure and pleasure to an external event; it places a lot of pressure and expectation on your partner.

What additional expectations do you have in mind? Do you anticipate a shift in the relationship?  If so, please explain why. Do you intend to remain together indefinitely? What happens if it doesn’t work out?

There are aspects of shadow work here, and digging deep needs courage. For example, it may become clear that you have deep-seated concerns of abandonment and believe marriage would give you security. You can acknowledge and address your fears on your own. Otherwise, they will not go away and will return, marriage or no marriage.

Marriage is a major move, and you’re unlikely to be completely sure either way. Doubts will coexist with excitement, and fear will coexist with peace. Just keep in mind that there is no need to hustle. Before discussing honestly with your spouse, take the time to deliberately and purposefully search within to acquire clarity on what you genuinely desire.

If such contemplation brings you to the conclusion that marriage isn’t the answer, know that this realization is stills follow your choice. Congratulations if you have a strong sense that marriage is what you desire! When the big day arrives, you’ll know in your heart that it’s right.

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This website also showcases the pain, struggles, failures and criticisms one has to face in order to find his/her own place in this world.

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