Life without limitation is not the term unconditional love. It implies, “I freely offer you my affection unconditionally.” This means that we offer it without expecting in return. It is crucial in our relationships to offer this kind of unconditional love. Otherwise, with “cords attached” we offer affection. This causes asymmetries in power and control.
Unconditional love implies loving someone through difficulties, errors, and frustrations. Actually, that’s all that makes sense, permanent partnership. When we get into partnerships with others, it is a person full of tumults, faults, and difficulties that we enter into. We also demonstrate our own problems, shortcomings, and obstacles.
One of the most beautiful experiences in human existence is learning how to lean into the tension of such obstacles via connection, love, understanding and influence, compromise, and movement in a way that both people gain.
Love without boundaries is not healthy.
The essential expectations of our relationships must be met—childhood, respect, and security. We may have to set hard limits if they are not met. These limits could seem to distance themselves or to completely cut off. If you cut it off, you don’t have conditions to provide your love.
Remember, your love hasn’t gone. They owe nothing to you. You owe security, respect, and love to yourself, though. You can go away from someone you loved so much to take care of your own wants and security.
The difficulty of unbounded love.
Love without borders can at least lead to misfortune and abuse. Unless we let them know where we stand in terms of how we expect and have to be treated, then we will not have an equal voice in the relationship.
Sometimes in the name of ‘unconditional love,’ we neglect these limits demands. But we provide no unconditional love in those situations. We offer love that co-depends. We sustain the dynamics of our connections in codependent relationships in such a way that we excuse or allow unacceptable behavior.
Once again, this takes us to an uneven place of power and control, rather than to a place where we provide each individual the opportunity to be accountable for their conduct towards us.
There is a separate boundary from the condoning inappropriate behavior between loving a person through challenges. Lastly, when the relationship no longer offers the basic necessities of a relation. You need to put a limit on your own wellbeing when someone hurts you and they are not prepared to separate it.
You will probably have to create a limit if you notice the relationship is transformed into an attitude that lacks warmth and respect. This is particularly true if you have attempted to speak effectively and have not seen any change yet. It’s not unconditional love if you enable the individual to have such a detrimental effect on his well-being—codetermined it’s unhealthy.
Unconditional love still involves healthy boundaries.
Although we can provide other people with unconditional love, even when it is hard, we have no limits to offer love. You can offer love without attachments while you have limits.
Unqualified love with appropriate limits may seem:
- “No matter what, I love you and support you. But we don’t have the financial resources for your bills anymore.”
- “I adore you, and when you talk to me like that, I have to take room from you.”
Unconditional love is not a contract that is binding.
Unconditional love is confused when we assume that we constantly have to supply it, even though fundamental relationships are no longer fulfilled. Unconditional love says
- “I offer this love to you right now, but you don’t owe it to me.” It doesn’t mean,
- “I offer this love to You, even if you begin to harm me, for eternity.”
Let us, for example, have a healthy relationship in which a couple offers each other the fundamental and necessary expectations of a partnership—childhood, respect, and safety. And that changes—one person goes through something and begins to disdain or cruelly abuse his partner.
You can choose to set limits or distance yourself when these modifications are made. Your love was not unconditional, it doesn’t mean. In that situation, as long as you could, you offered your love freely and you set healthy boundaries as soon as you needed to care for yourself.
Unconditional love implies in that time to offer love unconditionally. It doesn’t always mean it. That is, “Right now the love that I give you is yours. For my own free will, I do it. In return, you do not owe me anything.” If we love this way, we offer true love – the kind of love that makes others who they are. It is also the kind of love that enables us to constantly analyze and decide, over time, whether or not it continues to work for us and can still give our love in such freedom.
WAYS TO LOVE UNCONDITIONALLY
Sometimes, the word unconditional can lead to confusion or to unreasonable expectations of us and the way we love. Take into account the idea of full love if it is easier. Full love implies relying on vulnerability to share our love because we wish to offer it. This is how we offer our love because it feels nice to give and not because we expect a specific consequence. Full love recognizes and gives priority to the integrity of both persons. You must love your lover and yourself completely to give you wholehearted affection.
If both people are willing to enter their whole hearts you will know that it is wholehearted love. If there is a voice for everyone. When challenges are taken into account. When it comes to growth. If you are on the same team and not the opposing teams, then there is no scoreboard.
You will know if strings, debts, and boundaries are violated, this is not wholehearted love. In particular, you realize that the fundamental demands of love, kindness, and security are not respected.
If you wonder how this sort of love actually looks, here are a few methods to fully love:
1. Be careful about your love gifts.
Are you waiting for some response? Do you offer it now or later to receive something? Did you owe it to the person? Just because, push yourself to provide affection.
- Learn the influence of acceptance and value. Wholehearted love suggests that it’s something worth thinking, feeling or sharing to our spouse, child, friend or parent. Work to be affected by them.
3. Be clear.
Provide your interactions with transparency. Learn what you expect people to know. Give the people the chance to succeed.
4.Learn to listen, learn to listen.
A good listener is much more than just “hearing”—it really means integrating what the person says and being curious to learn more.
- Take note of the control dynamics and nip it in the bud.
Take care in your connection of dynamics of control. Is there an underlying reason when you come into tension? Is it the unacknowledged needs that are responsible for your conflicts?